I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
