Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
