Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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