I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
