my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
