Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
