i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
