Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
