I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
