Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
