Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm like, not good at living.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
