you mean i was at the winter classic?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
