Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
