During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
