it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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