Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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