How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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