I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
