Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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