talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
