She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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