i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize