My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We are all done wearing pants today
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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