She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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