Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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