You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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