I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
foreskin is a definite game changer
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
