wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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