the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
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I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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