Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
