did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
