i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
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BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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