Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
