"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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