im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
