what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Randomize
