wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
