You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
