you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize