who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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