I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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