There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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