She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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