I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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