she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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