I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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