Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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