you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
