It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
