Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
