So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
