Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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