You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
