He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
