gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
