i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
