My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
