its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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