i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
